the start of the sabbatical / #2
in which i push skiing parallels to the limit while i quit my job
It’s -20 degrees Celsius on an enormous peak (editor mode’s note: it’s a green beginner slope), and my legs are threatening to shake as I start the descent.
Some trembles, I’m learning, aren’t solely about the fear of falling. They’re a preparation to leap—
—and as clear and crisp as the wind that slams on my face, a thought surfaces:
I don’t want to turn back.
Fifteen years: that’s how long I’ve been working professionally for.
Work has always been my proudest identity, the scaffolding I built my life around. Rung by rung, even with some lateral steps across the spectrum of organizational types.
Still, always, firmly, choosing the default of a salary, the illusion of stability, and the promise of upward growth.
But what holds you up also holds you back.
Six weeks: that’s the length of a good European summer break, or so I’ve gathered from distant colleagues’ out-of-office messages over the years.
But this isn’t (just) a vacation.
“I’m ready to quit if they reject my request for unpaid time off,” I say to my friends. I can sense their doubt; I’m probably one of the most risk-averse and one-track-career-minded people they know.
But my body is breaking down, and so is my mind.
I call this period a sabbatical prototype, a smaller experiment to explore the big questions about what could come next, before I spook myself and make more drastic moves.
There is a small part of me that tries to convince the rest that this extended leave will be enough to reset my body and brain.
Surely I’ll do as years past, and be up and raring to go when the new year comes by!
The first day of the working year: I quit.
I find myself in a peculiar liminal space, serving out my notice period while the machine with all its cogs whirs on. Technically, I’m still on the payroll, and part of the system; still getting onboarding requests for new projects.
It’s a mighty temptation for the people pleaser in me — a skin I’m trying my best to shed. I remind myself that I should no longer say yes to designing over cracks, to breaking myself to make things work, and to living a life by default.
I’m back on the top of the peak, trembling again. It’s a flood of excitement and fear and everything in between.
And with that, I push off the slope.
A sneak peek of what’s coming next
I’m teaching a semester at my alma mater, in the very degree I took more than a decade ago. It’s thrilling, yet still very much within my comfort zone (ish)
The guitar in my closet is out in my room now after 3 years. I repeat, the guitar is out now 😂
Stuff I liked this week
🎥 Video: To Scale: TIME
“13.8 billion years of cosmic evolution, and our place within it.”
I wasn’t ready to get my mind blown, but there’s nothing quite like thinking about time, scales, and the universe and knowing exactly how tiny we are.
Until next time,
J.