turning 36 / #13

on 3 big things, and 6 littler things

Apr 27, 2025

It’s my birthday today, and this started as a “oh, maybe I can do 36 things I’ve learned”, and ended up with this format because that is way too much wisdom that I don’t have 😂

(Quick note: If you’ve been enjoying my writing, sharing it with a friend would make my day, and would really help me in growing this newsletter. Using my birthday request privilege here!)

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3 big things I’ve learned at the ripe old age of 36

1. Having range is a superpower

“You should stick to what you do well at,” a leader at the company once told me. It wasn't exactly meant as a compliment, since I’d just asked to shadow the finance team. Design and numbers don’t match, I suppose.

For years, I saw my scattered interests and skills as a liability.

Jack of all trades, master of none — right?

When chess was first invented in India around the 6th century, the queen — known as a vizier then, and still that in some languages — could only move one diagonal square at a time.

Then, in the 1300s, it could jump two diagonal squares for its first move. (I know, wow.)

It wasn't until the game spread to medieval Europe that the queen became the most powerful piece on the board — able to move in any direction, any distance.

Power is often a question of permission, but range? Range is reclaimed.

Looking back, every so-called detour gave me a new tool to become a better designer and a better systems thinker:

Marketing helped me sell ideas, not just make them
A bit of coding gave me empathy for engineers
Research taught me how to find the root of a problem, not just the symptoms
Ops and strategy showed me where systems crack, and how to reinforce them

The pattern clicked: range isn't the absence of expertise — it's a different kind of expertise altogether.

(Plus, that thing about “Jack of all trades, master of none”? That’s just the first half of the quote, to be completed with:

"...but oftentimes better than master of one.")

So: I’d rather be a generalist who can pivot, adapt, and see the bigger picture, than box myself into a single path.

2. Constraints create creativity

For years, I'd been fighting against my body's limitations: childhood asthma, back issues, a mind that needed more rest than I wanted to give it.

I saw these limitations as personal failures - evidence I wasn't trying hard enough.

We all grew up with those messages:

"No excuses."
"Pain is weakness leaving the body."
"Sleep when you're dead."

Each time my body couldn't keep up, I'd feel that familiar shame. Why couldn't I just push harder? Why had I given up so easily?

It took a back flare-up that left me unable to tie my own shoes to reconsider this approach.

The revelation came from my design practice.

As a designer, I've always known that constraints aren't the enemy of creativity - they're essential to it.

The limited screen of a mobile app; the technical constraints of a platform: these boundaries don't restrict good design; they enable it.

But I'd never applied this thinking to my own limitations.

What if my need for recovery wasn't a weakness, but a parameter to design around? What if my back issues weren't failures, but specifications to accommodate?

So I started experimenting:

Building recovery into my calendar proactively
Investing in a workspace with an adjustable table and an ergonomic chair
Treating my energy as a finite resource worth protecting
Actually doing the physio exercises (still an ongoing one!)

The approach wasn't perfect. I still overcommitted sometimes. I'm still figuring out which limitations to respect and which challenges to push through.

The line isn't always clear, as these things usually aren’t.

But I'm starting to believe that the most beautiful things we create don't emerge despite constraints, but because of them.

Like how the rigid banks of a river don't restrict its flow, but give it shape, direction, and power.

3. You are your own operating system

Layoffs. Restructuring. Another crisis, another pivot.

I'd been through this cycle more than once. Every time, I ended up in the same place — anxious, drained, focused on everything I couldn’t control.

We spend so much time focused on external systems – organizations, markets, other people's decisions – that we forget to develop our own operating system.

I had elaborate strategies for corporate politics and client management, but hadn't applied that same thinking to myself.

My inbox dictated my mood. My energy followed everyone else’s urgency. My attention jumped to whatever pinged or shouted loudest.

I'd outsourced my emotional state to everything and everyone except myself; the harried badge of being wanted worn proudly.

In Hamilton: An American Musical, there's a line that's stuck with me, even now, a decade on:

"I am the one thing in life I can control."

You can't control the economy, other people's decisions, or most of what happens in the world.

But you can control:

What you pay attention to
How you interpret events
When and how you respond
The systems you build for yourself

I'm learning that designing these everyday patterns is actually more important than all the projects I've stressed over.

It's like building your own system, piece by piece, and you’re the product manager, developer, systems operator, and designer, all in one.

And 6 littler things:

My data is joy

Sleep, steps, screen time, streaks… not for optimization — just for making it visible.

I’m allowed to change my mind

“I should know this” → “I’m learning this.” Growth > pride, always.

Keep a list of re-experiences

Books, movies, albums, meals — comfort food for your brain (or just actual comfort food).

(And for the record, here’s my list: Replay by Ken Grimwood; Pitch Perfect; Taylor Swift’s Lover (Live from Paris); the beauty collagen soup from Beauty in the Pot.)

Subtraction creates space

Less stuff = more room for what matters.

(I once wanted (still do?) to get my entire life down to 50 items, like the kind you read about in blog posts circa 2012.

I started cataloguing my belongings, but for some reason — I didn’t stick to it. But maybe someday!)

“Good enough” is good enough

‘Nuff said, right?

Smile at every dog and baby that crosses your path

Left the most important and self-explanatory for last ☺️

What about you? What big or little lessons have shaped your life?

Other things

This week’s experiment: Closing all my browser tabs, including the pinned ones for WhatsApp, Discord etc. I know, gasp.
It’s been… slightly nerve-inducing, and my response time has definitely taken a hit, but I think it’s cleared my head when I’m using the laptop.
I should formalize these little experiments into its own thing, I think, rather than relegating them into this section that I’m not sure anyone’s even reading 😅 Hit reply/comment and let me know if you’ll be interested!

Until next time,
Jalyn

By Design